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Thursday, May 29, 2014

Driving drivel

I am a fairly aggressive driver. I remember one of my friends in high school was so hesitant to cross a busy road one school day when we were late returning from lunch. She would inch forward and then slam on her brakes a dozen times, at least, before she gunned it across the road. I was so anxious and sure that her hesitation was going to get me killed, that I made a mental note to never be timid when driving.

I was probably too aggressive of a driver in high school, as my past moving violations would tell you. But, I haven't had a ticket in over a decade (where is that wood? knock knock KNOCK!). I'm pretty alert--especially now that the cell phones have been pretty much banned from drivers in the state of Utah. Oh, don't lecture me. I get it.

I also talk to the other drivers like they can hear me. Do you do that? Rhett once lectured me for reprimanding some crazy driver. This lady was SO mad that I turned in front of her in a parking lot. She was visibly yelling at me, so I said "Chill out!" It's one of my favorite defensive driving phrases. Rhett asked why I said that. He was three at the time. I explained it to him and he said, "That's not very nice of you. Maybe she is sad."

Dude. I know. This kid, I tell you, is going to be the one to convince me to stop being sarcastic. If it weren't for his wicked use of the sarcasm gene already. He told the most elaborate story the other night during dinner about how he kissed his girl friend (two words) while they were watching a movie. He had us all convinced and Johnny mad that Rhett beat him to kissing a girl. Then, totally deadpan, he says, "Guys, I am kidding. I didn't kiss her." 

I digress into the miraculous stories of our Rhett. I could go on for hours. Like how he corrected a friend for saying "fill" instead of "feel". I should NOT have been proud of him in that moment, but I sure was. See? I can't stop. The kid is the freaking bees knees.

So, driving. I am aggressive, and Rhett tells me to be nice. I really do try to give other drivers the benefit of the doubt. What if they have a brand new baby on board? Oh, every time my kids were new babies, I would freak out about how crazy other drivers were. Especially the teenagers. "Don't they know there is a tiny human in the back of this car? Slow down, ya jerks!" The yellow "BABY ON BOARD" signs are there for a reason, folks. New parents are PARANOID. 

Or what if other drivers just got horrible news? What if their spouse is in the hospital? I remember when I was driving home from the doctor with a paralyzed face and an eye patch. Rhett was six days old and it was Maggie's eighth birthday. The neurologist had just told me that they wanted me to take more tests because they were pretty sure I had multiple sclerosis. The sun was setting and I couldn't help but cry all of the way home. I drove so carefully because I was freaking out about the ice on the streets and my blurred vision. I SHOULD NOT have been driving, but there I was. I looked over at the car next to me at the stop light and they were laughing and talking. I felt so pathetic. Why had I not realized before how many people were driving around distraught like I currently was? Would I ever drive around again happy and singing to music? Would my eye ever go back to normal?

Luckily, it did. I did.

But DUDES, sometimes when I am driving and there is some hotshot driver who speeds up to the car in front of him so he can pass every car in every freaking lane, I kind of go bananas. We get it, you are super important and you must get to your destination before every other person on this freeway. Sometimes I wonder, "What would Jesus do?" I seriously do. I wonder how Jesus would drive. Would he let every other driver pass him? Would he punch the gas to pass that teenager who can't decide what speed they want to drive? Would he slow down and let the hotshot get to wherever he is going faster?

I think Jesus would never get anywhere. Alan thinks Jesus would walk.


1 wise comments:

Sue said...

I'm with Alan.