Hello, self. Hello, world.

Alan informed me (in a kind way, neveryouworry) that I have been recently wavering in my blogging potential. Of course I probed. Which ones? Why? When? What? huh?


Sometimes I find myself typing along on this li'l blog and hoping something good comes out; typing more and typing more, eventually working my way towards some sort of a point. It works... on occasion. Not nearly enough.


This past Friday, I was given the opportunity to check out/listen in/pretend I belonged/let's-just-say-hang out at the alt conference (See: Altitude Design Summit). Boy howdy, was I out of my element. If the dress of most of the attendees didn't tell me this right away, then the parts where everyone kept handing me business cards (occasionally asking for mine--which don't exist) told me LOUD AND CLEAR that I was not ready for this boogaloo. Maybe that I am someone who writes "boy howdy" should have been a major indicator. Add to that the fact that I am not a designer/artist/decorator/creative genius, and I was all, "What AM I doing here?" at the exact time as the kind souls who spoke to me thought the same thing.


BUT...


I learned a lot. I refocused my little brain. I considered being serious about this blog once again and treating it as kindly as you have treated me. I met some really cool people, too. People who flew thousands of miles to attend, while I drove ten minutes from my home. In general, people are really cool. We should discuss how people are cool more often.


Not today. This post is more about me. Ahhnna. 


I've been thinking a lot about who I am, my truest self. Tapping into it, believing it, feeling sorry for what I am not, and then getting over it and being fantastic at what I sincerely am.


I have discovered that I worry too much about what other people think about me. My sister told me that this goes away with age. That makes me happy. I worry that if I write too much that people will stop reading. I worry that if I take too many pictures/show too many awesome craft ideas/be too happy, that people will find me vain and irritating and stop reading. I worry that if I'm too honest, people will think I am a downer and leave. I worry that if I am as scatter-brained on blog as I am in life, people will see what a loon I am and stop reading.


Guess what? I'm over it. If I can't be me, then why do it. Right? Right. I am not as funny as some, not as creative as others, and definitely not as cute and trendy as many. But, I'm pretty exceptional.


I still worry that if I show any pictures of how I really look, then all of my ex-boyfriends' wives will feel really insecure. So for them, I show all of my flaws and make them feel like they can tell their husbands how lame I have become. I do it to save marriages, friends. I am a giver. 

I realize that some women need to be told that what they do is enough, that they are doing all that they can. Not me. I need to be pushed, shoved, tried, and stretched. Last week I decided that my new motto was going to be TRY HARDER! At everything. Because I know I can. This blog is one place where I am going to try harder.


And wouldn't you know it, I found this picture yesterday:

pinned here

Here I am, letting you know that I am all over this blog like the honey is mysteriously all over my kitchen table. I'm owning it. Hope you "stick" around. (I make no promises about lame puns.)

a