long and contemplative

I've been thinking about this post/subject for a little over a month.  It is one of those things that still feels sensitive to me and can only be described as delicate.  

I've wondered how I can begin, how I can execute and how I can adequately exhibit my intention.  It's weirder/harder than I had anticipated.

Let me start at the beginning.

I've appreciated this here blog and the world that it inhabits.  To be honest, it's more of a love/hate sentiment.  When I first found out that I was "sick" and I wrote about it on this blog, there was a connection I hadn't before experienced.  I could share without talking.  Inform without a calling tree.


I made a goal for myself to write every weekday so that I could keep up my writing skills, which was especially helpful during those weeks where I have no freelance work and no reason to practice.  And in 2010 I wanted to find gratitude every single day, so I challenged myself to come up with three reasons I am blessed and grateful.  


These are all blessings from my blog.


But then...


I don't like some of the feelings that I get.  I don't like that I care when my "readership" dips or escalates.  I don't like feeling inadequate when I read about someone else and their seemingly more fantastic life.  I know it's a tiny piece of an unseen puzzle.  But sometimes all I can think is how I would like to go to Disneyland, furnish my home, swim outside in March, or run a marathon.  I NEED that new poster, those tights, that designer blah-dee-dah.  I don't like that I feel this way.  


I am not sure if this is reason enough to bid adieu to my blog.  In fact, I know it is not.  A blog is not for everyone, but for me it is cathartic and helpful more than a complication. 


But how can I change?


I had a distinct moment on 10-10-10 (remember) when I realized that by thinking of fun ways to help others that I felt more love in my life.  By giving I was getting.  By not just thinking about myself and my family, but OTHER PEOPLE that my thoughts were happier.  (shocker, I know)


I wanted to try to do more things.  Maybe I could record on my blog what I do for other people.


Here is where it got tricky.  Why could I not just serve others quietly and for myself?  I didn't need to display it on a public blog.  I didn't want to come across as "bragging" about my saintliness.  Kind of defeating.


Perhaps, though, others would be inspired.  Perhaps it would keep me "honest" and ensure that I do something every single day for the month.  Perhaps it would afford me the time to write my creative work instead of writing blog content at the end of each day.


I was flummoxed.

Then I saw this video (article here).  And it made me think that perhaps I need this, perhaps I was inspired.  Maybe I need to stop questioning what everyone else MIGHT think and do it for myself. 

"the solution is quiet, peaceful and subtle"

So my November "channel" is dedicated solely to an unselfish act every day.  I am not required to stop at one.  But I need to do one thing, take a picture of it and post it at the end of the day (along with my three things for which I am grateful).


And that is what you will get from me during the month of November should you choose to visit.  Of course it is nice to see comments and learn about the people that visit.  But, for this month it will not define my blog worth.  And if you choose to stop coming, let me say thanks for the times that you have.  If you are new here, what's up?!  (can't believe you read all of this) If you are old here and want to keep coming, rock on!  


I shall call this month NOVEMBER IS NOT ABOUT ME!  Actually, I'm going to work on that title.


Three things:
1. Halloween was busy and great
2. putting away Halloween
3. no more Halloween candy

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