I have missed your blog posts and can't hardly wait to read your editorial comments once again. I mean, I literally watch this blog day and night and I could care less what Ahhnna writes (or doesn't write, because she hasn't written a whole lot lately), but I anxiously await your sartorial remarks.
Oy to the vey, Gartholomew.
I don't want to appear the villain after your attempt at flattery (and Heaven knows I enjoy flattery as much as the next under-appreciated editorial genius), but your two sentences wreaked such havoc on the English language that I must come out from my summer slumber.
1. You mentioned that you "can't hardly wait" for my return. Do you recall a movie featuring twenty-somethings who acted as though they were high schoolers preparing for "real life" titled this very phrase? Atrocious. In idea and in perpetuating this incorrect idiom. Have you heard of the grammar concept of a "double negative"--such as "we don't know nobody" or "he didn't want none"? (Oh, just thinking those phrases has made me a bit dumber.) "Can't hardly wait" falls in the same territory. Hardly is an adverb that means barely, or only just and is treated as a negative in the English language. So to say that you can NOT HARDLY wait implies that you CAN WAIT, since both negatives (not and hardly) cancelled each other out. Perhaps you intended to convey that you could wait, thereby negating any flattery I felt to return.
2. Literally. This literally deserves an entire post. Have you ever watched the movie, The Princess Bride? There is a scene where a man continually says the word "inconceivable" and another actor responds with: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Literally the same response I want to use almost every time someone says the word literally. It means EXACTLY with NO EXAGGERATION. Which is hilarious, really, because people use it to EXAGGERATE. Literally.
"I literally died last night when Adam called." Really? Did someone perform CPR?
"We are literally inseparable." Seriously? Like conjoined twins?
"Those are literally the cutest leggings ever made?" Where is the Gallup poll that confirms this exact statement?
3. "I could care less." Not that I watch the Bachelor franchise as Ahhnna does, but from what I have heard, this statement is frequently used/misused on these shows. Without the NOT, you are implying that it is POSSIBLE for you to CARE even LESS than you do. So your threshold for not caring hasn't been met. Imagine a glass of water and the water is how much you care. You still have water in your cup if you COULD CARE LESS. It could even be full. If your cup is empty, then you COULDN'T CARE LESS, which is usually what you mean to say. I couldn't care less what Ahhnna writes, either, but she seems to get a kick out of this blog.
4. Sartorial. No. You mean satirical. Because I am funny, not because I dress well. See above photo.
Thank you for caring, anyway.
Until next time,